Abrupt Blabberings
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One Fine Morning…
Incidents wait for a perfect time to pounce on you, especially the bad ones. One such incident pounced on him too. One fine morning, it was.
Alike any normal day, he woke fully throttled up, with a hope for fruitful work at office. He rushed through the daily chores, preparing himself for the regular grinding sessions. However there was a tinge of excitement within him today. Surprised as he was with his full on enthu to reach office, a thought brushed his mind, ” something new, something good is about to happen today”. He knew today was, in someway, special.
He jumped into the office bus, just to get further surprised. Usually crowded, the bus welcomed him today to free spaces. He chose the best among the window seats. Clouds had already swarmed the Bangalore skies, further elevating his pleasant mood. “Something is surely in the air today”, he thought.
Whole day he yearned for the change he was sensing from the morning. However except for the persistent clouds, nothing indeed was pleasing him. He had a pretty workless day, which he hardly abhorred. But something was missing. He knew that, he felt that.
And then, on the verge of he giving up on any hope for the welcome change, it loomed, loomed through the hazy weather. He was introduced to the One. He was informed that One would be bossing him now onwards. The first few sentences from the One and he knew this was the change he has been desiring for. Fully impressed he was with the One’s fluent and vast knowledge flow. Fully impressed he was with the One’s sensitiveness for a person’s goals. Fully impressed he was with the One’s clarity of thoughts. Fully impressed he was with the One.
Few chats later an invitation was thrown at him, ” Join me for a smoke. Will you?” And that is how it all started. The incident had pounced on him, he though remained unaware. It all started one morning, one fine morning…
PS: All character are fictitious, resemblance to anyone is completely coincidental.
by Amit Gawande Tags: clouds, incident, morning, storyNothing goes wrong..
I had earlier prated at facebook about how things never go wrong but they usually are wrong. This post is more about the incident that made me babble that out.
This particular incident is not a one off experience. It happens with me most of the time. I have started believing the quote, that one gets what he gets only when the time is right, far strongly than ever before.
So right from the morning today, i was hopelessly beating my head against numerous things interconnected. Code not getting configured, tools not running properly, system slowing down like hell … and what not. In simple terms, all the things that could possibly go wrong were going wrong.
Tried my best to bring things back on track. Even tried the ever successful way out of chanting random rants in the loo. But nothing seamed to work. Day went by with me fighting the villainous time. And suddenly right on the verge of me giving up, something happened and everything got sorted out.
I felt like yash raj was scripting a movie with me, the helpless protagonist waiting for the non-hero-non-villain types neutral time to sort things out, a la Amrish puri in DDLJ. Here ditto Yash Raj’s script, how the solution appears does not matter.
Many times the all time hidden problem creators suddenly loom out of nothingness. Or at times the same components which were adamant on not working get a mind change and start working. You sit there dumbfound trying to grasp what happened. Worse is when all the twisted knots straighten up when a new person pulls a thread, making one look a complete idiot.
By the way today’s was the first case. The bugger emerged from the tonnes of characters and the problem got solved. Time was 7:02pm. Felt i was destined to solve the problem, but not before 7:00pm 28th May.
A new problem, as usual, has come into existence tough. Yashji’s planning a magnum opus this time, i guess. So awaiting another day of head banging for a solution which i know i won’t get before the time gets right.
Nothing actually goes wrong, it is always wrong. What is worth mentioning tough is when it goes right!!
by Amit Gawande Tags: life, problems, solution, time, yash rajContemplating my present days..
Another day spent with hardly any interesting updates in life. Truly speaking many things happen. Mind wanders around, surfs over various topics instead of diving deep into a single significant job at hand. Result is i am unable to get attached to any of the things happening around me.
The question arises what really does one need to make the mind notice what is happening around? Interest in what we do should be the first and most important thing. But what I don’t understand is why do i suddenly take raw interest in the same work which i wasn’t enjoying earlier. It must rather be something else .
According to me, they are the things that happen around me that actually decide if i notice what is happening around or not. If my mind feels they are worth noticing, it will notice them. Else it temporarily captures the images just to wipe it off the mind’s canvas, sooner rather than later. The problem is this “sooner” comes too soon for me to make even a slight impact.
Does this mean things around me are insignificant? I don’t thing so. Rather the things around me these days are like the monotonic long silences in Oscar winning movies; they are no way insignificant, however they hardly make any sense to me. I would rather prefer the insignificant, but joyous jabbers of Adam Sandler than Leone’s blunt eye shots. And i need to soon find these jabbers around me!
Update: Just watched this wonderful village lady, Susan Boyle, nailing another awesome of her performance. This lady has provided some thirlls and excitement in waise monotonous life.
Witness yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLLIIb_jA9Y
by Amit Gawande Tags: boringness, life, monotony, selfThe useless “S” word!!!
As i was tottering along the floor today, i reached the door of the washroom whose door, thanks to the awesomely random designs, opens inside. So a person standing in the washroom is bound to get a hit for just boasting to his mirror self on how handsome he really is. Anyway so today as i reached the door, a person came out and we just had a eye to eye contact. There was no collision nor even a touch involved. But the first thing i spoke was “Oh, I am sorry”. I was like dude, this is too much. Why do i have to blabber out this senseless “S” word first thing, irrespective of what the situation is?
Few worse situations do come in my mind. I have never been in the “outside washroom door opener” category. I always get hit. Now even if i do get hit, the first thing that comes out of my mouth is “Am sorry”. I always think why do i have to be so passive when it is me who is hurt. However it is not like i always am passive about the things when i speak the “S” word. Even are the situation when i go sorry with a tone of “you ba**ard“. May be i have developed a way to swear by not really swearing. You know that cute little silence maintained when someone is boasting about himself, just to convey “go to hell. am least interested.” I guess this is something on similar lines.
Moreover its not just about the “S” word. He has got an equally senseless stepbrother which goes something like “Thank you”, the “T” word. Now this too is used in a similar context free manner. I remember a time when i thanked a guy who actually was helped out by me from a critical situation.
These situation make me think, is there really any use of the words like sorry and thank you when they are used so freely without really giving a second thought on why am sorry about or what am thanking about. Leave aside the crap that it helps in conveying some feelings. Com’on, there are better ways to communicate the same feelings. After all words are not everything. An expression like below can surely make anyone forgive others. Silence is golden as they say. Rather i feel silence, bundled with perfect expression, speaks a thousand words!
An Experience
“Learning how to drive has been too easy these days my friend”, he said, “It’s a simple principle. Throw money learn honey. I learnt it not by choice, but by compulsion.” He had a sense of austerity in his voice. I knew i was about to embark on a journey of one of his lifetime experiences.
Though highly disinterested, flaunting my phony curiosity i queried, “So when did you learn driving then.” I was more worried about me bumping the vehicle into the truck ahead.
“Long back,” going into a hazy flashback, he said. “The moment i knew school is not my liking and studies hardly interest me, my family started looking for some work for me. There was no concept of job actually. There was work which would earn money for the supper. Who best to earn it than a lone useless, dumb fellow in the house”
Frisking what i listened for a question to throw back, i asked him “So you were the eldest? The only bread earner in your family?”
With a sudden smirk on his face, he replied ” Actually i am the youngest among the siblings. I have 3 older brothers, all well educated and hold nice jobs. But soon they left the home. Ashamed may be of the illiteracy in the family.” I knew the reason was more a taunt to them than a reason.
“So what did you do then”, I asked him, my eyes glued to the traffic signal ahead approaching faster.
“I didn’t have to do anything actually. Those were the days when the transport business was calling out for unskilled labour as conductors. My father pushed me into one. The work was simple. Whatever the king of the truck, the driver ustaad would say, the conductor would do. Whatever was literally ‘whatever’, including washing vehicle, buying him a beer bottle, bidis, making him a peg, washing the beer glasses. Anything and everything which by social thoughts would sound as child torture.” I hoped he was not talking about sexual one though.
Being a bad listener to one’s saddest and ugliest of the experiences, i did not want to go in the details of the torture. I queried him further “So what about driving then?”
“Aye bha*ve hat na baju” he sweared at a cycle rickshaw ahead. The rickshaw puller pedaled for another 100 meters before siding, least affected by the blasphemous outrage thrown at him. “These bloody idiots wont listen as long as you don’t use below-abdomen swears. Maa Behen pe na jao to palle nahi padta inke. My ustaad always used to tell me, best horn is that which is particularly customized for the one you are blowing at. Use your mouth in cities more than honking”. I decided not to listen to this teaching of his, not for now at least.
“Anyway about the driving, that was another role the conductor has to play when the driver was talli with beer. Suddenly one day he would pass the steering half crawling and say sambhal isko. It started with a prank, when ustaad had a good laugh along with his drunkard gang over my terrified face. I came to know after few months that actually that was the first step of my driving class under ustaad. That was my first experience of driving.”
Damn interested i asked, “So what next. Did he teach or just played rash on you?” Cool and calm, he pointed at a tea corner and said, ” For now i am teaching you. Lets take a break. Lots of rash experiences did follow. The experiences that collated to form my driving sessions. Aaram se baithke sunte hain. Do kadak chai dena chotya. Special.“
I awaited agog to listen to his series of driving sessions with his eccentric ustaad. I knew there were many experiences worth pondering over going to be unbundled soon.
At the other side, Chotya was cleaning the table in front of me. Suddenly he looked to me completely oblivious of the experience he was part of.
by Amit Gawande Tags: driving, experience, hindi, india, life, story, truckA lame effort …
Another day goes by. Each day passes with me starting my day with a plan to blog about the zillions of ideas i have sidelined over the week now. I have to put a sticky post something on this guy’s face. This is a lame effort atleast to make that face a bit freshen.
So just to update, i am fed up with the monotony my life has been following. The following picture catches this phase of my life perfectly. I am facing the same soul deadening monotony.
Anyways i have made my mind now. I am working on a story that i heard from a person who taught me a lot over the period of 3 days. It has to come out. I will do that. Soon.
by Amit Gawande Tags: life, monotony‘Fatty’ Brain …
Now that’s not just a random title that i chalked out. Actually it is a fact. I read today that a person’s brain is the most fatty organ in his body!
Surprised? Even i was. I mean common. How can a tummy, that can expand to store 4 liters of food i.e. 50 times its empty size, be less fatty than a brain? Even if it is fat, should i even care. I think no one is faintly concerned about some fat crawling over a body part which one does not ,or rather cannot, flaunt.
But as i snaked through the article further, i found one interesting fact. Thanks to that, i can now sleep as long as i want. It seems when a person sleeps, his brain gets busy to file away all the memories of the day. I can now disportingly say that “I am gyming my brain dude. Fats are crawling even in the blood vessels now and my brain does not want to die devoid of oxygen”. Put on a board saying “Fat brain at work” and rumble along the snoring dreams.
Oh yeah. Even regarding dreams there are few interesting facts that the brain spins. Have you ever questioned yourself why you don’t actually act what you are dreaming? Or even simplest form saying what in fact are dreams? I do have. Though one thing i missed is a fact that 12% of the people dream in black and white. I just have one doubt here. What is the criteria that decides whether you will dream in 35mm technicolor or age old BnW? Whatever, its just another example of pointless statistics.
Moreover it seems your brain cheats you when you sleep by releasing some kind of hormone which actually paralyzes you. The sole intention is to make sure you don’t wake up next morning bawling about your aching bum which you hurt when you were horse riding in the dream. In short, it makes sure you don’t act your dreams. How i wish the brain was not so cruel on mankind. I mean, won’t it be good to actually go ahead and gym out your body too as the brain is getting fat burned. C’mon, it does afterall know the burden of carrying along the extra fat
Anyways, few more interesting facts are canned at the below link. Just go ahead and tickle your fatty brain
http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/sciencetech/facts-about-your-brain/7038
by Amit Gawande Tags: brain, dreams, fat, fatty, humorThe modern face of armed robbery..
Just when i think not to trouble my mind, saturated by randomness to its full, i come across the little gems like this.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090123/od_nm/us_goat;_ylt=Ag7ntPE15g0Li3_NWwySSlgSH9EA
Apparently police in Nigeria detained a goat on the suspicion of attempting an armed robbery. Yes. You heard it right. Goat arming itself up with a shotgun and making the Vigilante men stare down the gun nozzle? All for a Mazda 323? I mean common. A Mazda 323 can only be as useful to a goat as a padded two’s to Pamela. If you neglect the lone possibility of she pooping on it. If it has been for “hay”, there was at least a chance of this happening.
That’s not it all. Actually there were a couple of them. Dude, coupling Hayek with Pamela still keep padded ones look useless. Moreover a couple of goats stealing a car? I know scientists are trying weird experiments on animals these days like cloning n all. But i never heard of such advanced experiment of churning out a species with body of goat and mind of Anton Chigurh. Not even on the fastest news reporting channel on this bloody earth, “Aajtak“. So if its not reported on Aajtak yet, its not possible even for 10 years now.
Although the main part is what might suit the tastes of few channels here. You see actually they were two guys who were trying to rob the car when the Vigilantes confronted them. One ran and other turned himself into the goat. Now the dangerous little goat is in custody and the police are waiting to prove it scientifically that it actually is possible to convert a person into a goat magically(!). Now i get it. So it was not the goat who was robbing armed, it was actually a man.
But now that it is crystal clear, i do not have even a single word to speak? First thing they actually do not shoot the white n black beast wearing so dangerous a throne of horn right at sighting it. Secondly they ask to prove that it is possible that an armed man can be converted into a goat? Common. The scientist have long discovered the dose to convert the buffalo-like-hardly-rising small dumb little ball of flesh into an ultra-active-hard-hitting beast. They call it an energy drink which does transform a sleepy crawling man into an awesome enthusiast you see. So calming down the beast to a goat look alike is just too easy a job. Just a bit of physical transformation is required that’s it.
So here i urge the related police staff to take a strict action against the goat and hang her till her death. The man that actually has transformed himself into goat is too dangerous for this world and so are his accessary. I heard they are working on something which can make this happen…
Why does darkness exist?
I have been gliding in the darkness for around 3 hours now, for one simple reason. The tube light in my room suddenly felt a strong desire not to glow. It went on blinking at me, i guess trying to figure out if i have worn any .. pajamas or not. I did try and rotate it around, with it never returning me a stare. While spending my precious time there, stroking the keyboard in darkness, a question just poked its head out of the ruffled mind. Why the heck is the darkness there.
I mean, ok fine. I know why it is there. I do have scribbled through the endless questions on solar system and planets structure and their hecking orbits. But i am not concerned about its how it exists. Rather i want to know how useful is it. I just want to justify its existence with one hell of a random reason, the farther it is from the truth, better it is.
I feel everything that exists, does so for some random reason. Even the minutest thing like a microbe is there because it leads or conjoins together to form or shape something awesomely important like virus, lets say. Yes they are weighty in a sense to control the growth of the big parasites in the form of humans. Similarly something like air, whose presence cannot be seen, is there to blow the smelly farts away. The sole reason for such senselessly senseless arguments is to emphasize the point that, yes, each thing can be tagged with the reason for its existence.
But even the random mind of mine could not reasonify the existence of darkness. To develop films?? Nah, very few do that now and those who do it actually do it by pulling over darkness. We are focusing on the natural darkness that arises with night. To sleep??? Nah, actually sleep has got more to do with the time than it has got to do with darkness. What then?
I know i am acting a bit ignorant, by may be neglecting many scientific things. I actually want to because i want some reason out of my mutable mind. The only reason i can think of gives me goosebumps.
I feel the whole purpose of darkness is to hide the light. So darkness is not “non-existence of light”. But actually it is the other way round. Light is “non-existence of darkness”. Whenever there is something that nature wants to do without making humans aware, it pushes darkness in. So it must be doing something at each night. Intercourse? Quite possible.
An argument can be made saying people do put on the lights then. But actually you see, that’s the reason they just blink sometimes rather than staring. And thats the reason am in dark today. Nature is at work. Reproducing 
What really is ambition?
Today it happened again. A previous post has had many hits from the Google search. I know there is nothing surprising about this part. But what follows is.
The query type was usually like “My ambition in life” or “My ambition” or “What are my ambitions” or “My plans and ambitions”. One query was also of the sort saying “Why have i lost my ambition”. Instant reaction was like, ok, i know Google does answer your query. But i dearly wish it does not move to this personal level. I dearly wish a day would never come when i would google for “Where have i forgotten my underwear”. I dearly wish i don’t.
But after some time, I thought fare enough. Someone must have searched for an essay with this topic. Afterall even i remember how, during the 2nd -5th standard, my ambition changed with changing teachers and essay books. It mutated from a nation serving politician or soldier to a hard-working-son-of-soil farmer to a life saving doctor. Frankly speaking, considering the level of english i could blabber on my own, the essay that was not lengthy enough not to be mugged up, at the same time sounded good and earned marks had content for “My ambition”. But i don’t remember myself ever scribbling about being a “gibberish-speaking” sleepy bug dwelling in virtual reality, being a computer engineering, i.e., to be specific.
Anyways this fact urged me to think what really is an ambition. I thought of mining the precise definition for the word and to my surprise what it really means is “an ardent desire to achieve something”. An ardent desire? That is it? Boss, i have been ceaselessly told my ambition has to foretell a long time down the future. All those “cheek-bursting” aunts and grandmas and uncles danced on my head for ages to know what i would be when i grow old, what is my ambition. I always doubted if they wanted to boggle the million rupees estate i would have. To such extent was my fear that i started publishing “social service” as my ambition just to push the demons away.
But now i feel pity that i was wandering along without really answering that question in the best way. If an ardent desire is what ambition is all about, then yes i would have had hundreds of ambitions. And the list has grown to a thousands now with passing age. With each ambition i achieved, i feel i have installed few more in the list. I know and still remember the whole gyan about a life lived without ambition is like an arrow fired without an aim. But then if i have to talk practically I feel it is highly impossible to lay the path for whole life right at the birth. Nah one can’t.
And that does not mean as a child i spent my life without an aim. I still had an aim to complete my homework just to rush out to play hide n seek or help mom out with an aim to go out for a walk in some mela or finish every possible household exercises even on a foggy Sunday with an aim just to use that as an excuse while am watching a cricket match. Now i know these were my ambitions. Far more practical than being a politician or a doctor.
Yes i know there are still these whole lot of concepts of long term goal and short term goals and art of living and blah. So I feel skeptic to use ambition as a word. I feel i better call it a simple desire. I have decided to pursue my billions of small but practical desires under the hood of long term, impractical or rather unverifiable ambition of being a respected and followed both professionally and personally. I have already mentioned how my ambitions faded away with time. I know my desires won’t. I would be happy if the list grows to some tens of thousands, that would imply that i atleast completed 100 such desires. 100 such ambitionsi will call them.
by Amit Gawande Tags: ambition, definition, lostacts addiction afraid ambition before sunrise behavior blog coffee confused cows crisp darkness dilbert dream emotions existence first look fruits garfield global warming google hosts humor image incident india laughter laughter club life monotony news pigeon random reality reason research self sms story superstition twitter user experience web weekends weird
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